Quick Fix For Your Sales Emails

Most sales emails miss the mark – to put it gently. The message does not land well with the prospect. Or worse, the emails irritate the prospect.

Bad sales emails are often unintentional. The reality is there’s a lot of bad information about what it means to communicate a sales message in a way that honors a prospect.

I want better for you.

Below is a before and after sales email so you can see the difference. Names changed for privacy.

BEFORE

Subject: We make Salesforce easy!

Matt McHanson at Sales-Force-R-Us Group here, a Salesforce Consulting Firm having worked with many SaaS teams I know how many struggle using Salesforce! I’m reaching out to schedule some time with you next week to gain an understanding of how you use Salesforce and what challenges you’re currently facing. We work with teams to: eliminate admin busy work, streamline client onboarding, automate time-consuming manual tasks, and optimize day-to-day compliance operations. How does next Tuesday or Wednesday look for you at 3:00pm eastern?

Note the 7 missteps in this message:

1. The subject is all about them (rather than about me)
2. The opening sentence is a fragment and poorly written (they’re trying to be casual and low pressure. It doesn’t land).
3. They started the email focused on them and what they do rather than my needs.
4. They use sales trigger language such as “struggling,” and “challenges” that risks psychological push back.
5. They positioned themselves as the hero rather than as a trusted guide.
6. They listed 4 potential problem areas creating too much noise and confusion.
7. They went for a hard close and a specific time.

Here’s a much-improved message.

AFTER

Subject: Simplifying Salesforce To Optimize Your Business

Hi Ted –

I suspect you have a lot on your plate. As I talk with busy leaders like yourself, I hear the following:

1. many are bogged down in administrative work
2. they’re seeking to streamline client onboarding
3. they want to better optimize day-to-day operations

Are you open to a conversation on simplifying Salesforce in your context, or should I get out of your hair?

Thanks, Ted

Matt

Here are 7 principals at play in the new version of this sales email:

1. The subject line is focused on the problem solved (simplifying Salesforce)
2. The subject line is focused on the prospect (your business)
3. The email includes a human touch of empathy (you’re busy)
4. The email is focused on the prospect’s potential situation (problems they may have)
5. The email is focused on the problem solved (simplifying Salesforce)
6. The email invites a conversation – not a specific time. This approach has a 2X better response rate (see Gong.io for stats on this).
7. The email provides a choice to engage (or not)

I hope this helps – share your thoughts!