From rep:
Hi Ted,
It is harder than ever to identify talented people for your open positions. Finding good candidates takes time and resources that you don’t have available to you. That’s where I step in! I am actively working with a network of over 80m candidates, many of which are open to making a change.
These candidates view your company as the type of place they want to work. Let me know if you’re open to interviewing.
Would you like to see resumes?
Thanks,
Rep
[end email]
What’s wrong with this email?
- It’s wordy
- It’s poorly written
- It makes an assumption
- They’re the “hero” who will step in
- The offer isn’t clearly tied to my potential need
- Two calls to actions, let me know, and would you like to see
- They imply I might be doing something wrong – which doesn’t feel good
Here’s my re-write that I sent back…
Hey Rep – thanks for reaching out. I’m all set, but I will re-write your email as a way of helping you out (take/leave) – see below…
Also – consider a 30-sec personalized video instead of email.
Here’s a new draft:
Hi Ted,
Not sure this is on your mind, but finding good talent is hard right now – sapping time and energy.
This isn’t any fun!
If you’re open to it, our network of 80 million candidates may make things a bit easier.
Worth a convo, or should I get out of your hair?
Thanks, Ted
Rep
[end email]