Seller’s Email:
Subject: Hi Ted
Hey Ted,
Boost your customer support team for 40% less than a full-time employee. Our virtual assistants are only $10/hr.
Whether you need one assistant or 150 – there are no contracts and it’s easy to scale up or down as needed!
Let’s connect on a quick call! Do you have time this week?
Here’s my calendar: [link]
Thanks,
Rep
PS – Happy to learn you went to Tufts University and got your BA, well done.
What’s good:
- The subject line – all about me
- The intro – natural, casual
- Decent upside
What’s bad:
- Didn’t lay out the problem they solve clearly
- Promises of gain and upside only
- Lots of data points that confuse
- Asking me to use their calendar
- Insincere about my degree
- Poor story structure
- Full of assumptions
- Wrong person
- Pleading
Let’s assume the right audience, and re-write this using the 4-part HAPI framework:
- Hook
- Assumption-less
- Problem solved
- Invitation
Subject: Hey Ted
Not sure the lack of good customer support is on your mind. I know this is frustrating lots of folks in your industry.
If you’re open to it, there’s a different approach that typically saves 40% compared to a full-time hire.
Worth a chat – or am I barking up the wrong tree?
Thanks, Ted
Rep
Feel the difference?
- Hook: my name
- Assumption-less: Not sure…
- Problem solved: good customer support at affordable price
- Invite: free choice invitation with zero salesy pressure or fake urgency