9 Email Mistakes That Hurt Your Chances To Connect With A Prospect

It’s hard to write a good sales email. Perhaps you second guess yourself running it through your head over and over again. This isn’t any fun. There’s a much simpler way. In fact, there’s even a formula to write a good sales email.

To unpack this, here’s a real email I received from a well-meaning individual (names and details changed for privacy). There are nine no-nos in this sales email:

Subject: coffee to follow

Ted,

I know sales leaders like you can appreciate a good cold email, so I’m hoping this falls under that category! 🙂

Briefly, I’ve been connecting with other sales leadership challenged with:

1. Low sales rep efficiency or effectiveness
2. Salesforce adoption and ROI, sales tech consolidation, activity data accuracy
3. Sales playbook implementation, execution, and coaching
4. Manual or cumbersome inbound lead routing and low conversion rates

TechServeCo can help by introducing a Salesforce-native platform that combines automation + AI + your proven best practices. If any of these challenges resonate, is it worth 5-10 minutes now or later today for a brief intro? Coffee on me!

Thanks in advance,

Tom Brady
TechServeCo

What I like about this email is that it has a decent hook in the opening line, and it’s following a decent formula. However, what I don’t like about it is that it’s loaded with missteps that undermine the message and the formula.

Here’s the 9 no-nos:

1. Manipulation: The subject line is essentially trying to buy my time. It’s an attempt to use the law of reciprocity, e.g., I’ll give you something, if you give me some of your time. While the law of reciprocity can be effective in sales, using it like this is manipulative.
2. Poor Greeting – the greeting gets my name right, but just “Ted,” can come off as directive or worse, punitive. Hi Ted, Hello Ted, or Hey there, Ted, would have been much better choices for the greeting.
3. Triggers – the email uses language that risks negative psychological triggers, e.g., “challenged.” People don’t like to have challenges. Suggesting that they do can trip psychological reactance. Better words include, situation, context, scenario…etc.
4. Desperation – the emails smells of desperation. The words, “Briefly” and “brief intro” suggest that they don’t want to take up too much of my time – either this is worth my time or it isn’t. The email is making it sound like it isn’t. And the “coffee on me” feels like begging, e.g., “Please talk to me.” This is not professional sales. This is professional groveling.
5. Overload – the email lays out four potential situations. As a busy executive, the rule of three is a far better approach – less is more
6. Too Many Details – they discuss a number of details about how the solution works. As a prospect, I’m less interested in the how at this point and far more interested in addressing my problems – hook me on that first. Ensure there’s a there, there. Or at least tie the “how” to my pain. How does this technology actually help me – does it save time, headache, costs…?
7. Bad Writing – the email lists some challenges, then talks about the solution, and then goes back to asking me if “any of these challenges resonate.” As the reader, I’m confused because the email does not flow well. It forces me to think more than I should have to.
8. Hard Ask For Time – the email makes a hard ask for time, e.g., “5 – 10 minutes.” As a first email, this is too much. I’m not going to commit to that. It’s better to ask for interest, e.g., “Are you open to learning more?”. Gong.io has good stats on this. It’s also a short timeline, “later today.” This is not respectful of my time. Should I rearrange my day on such short notice?
9. Too much – the email is overloading my brain. There is too much information to absorb. Should I accept a coffee? What problem do you solve? Who are you? You want to meet today! You’re thanking me in advance – for what?

As you can see, there are a number of problems that might make it hard for a prospect to want to engage.

Here’s a much-improved message:

Subject: Helping Your Sales Team Drive Results

Hi Ted – 

I know sales leaders like you can appreciate a good cold email.

I’m not sure this is on your mind, but in talking with other sales professionals, I hear the following:

1. Sales reps missing their targets
2. Playbooks and best practices not being followed
3. Sales teams bogged down and disengaged with administrative tasks

This isn’t right, and I don’t want this for you.

Are you open to a conversation about a unique approach that drives results with and through your sales team, or should I get out of your hair?

Thanks, Ted

See the difference? This email is prospect-focused on a specific problem solved (i.e., helping sales teams drives results). It hits some common areas of pain. It touches on a unique solution and future state. And there’s a clear invitation for the prospect to own the decision to learn more, e.g., to take a next step.

The formula is simple. It has four parts:

1. Focus on the prospect & the problem solved
2. Touch on some potential trouble spots
3. Hint at a solution – cast some vision for a new future state
4. Call to ownership – invite the prospect to take a step with you

As always send your thoughts, comments, and feedback.

I hope this helps!